I'm surrounded by Idiots!

Kristen has been sent to "The Big City" full of "The Crazy People" for a week for work. While there, she had to conduct interviews with another supervisor. This was the highlight of her week. Keep in mind: These interviews are to fill a janitorial position in a factory. We're not looking for Mensa candidates people (Because, Gah! We could barely find people to clean toilets.... but there were plenty of Welfare Candidates.....

TOP FIVE RESPONSES RECEIVED IN INTERVIEWS TODAY:

#1
"Do you have reliable transportation?"
"Yeah... I have a 1993 Ford Escort. That baby purrs..." (I don't know how we did not squirt pop out of our noses for this response.)

#2
"We are strict on our attendance policy. Do you have a problem with getting to work?"
"You know, I 'm not gonna lie..... I miss a good bit of work...when I have a job."

#3
"Do you have a problem with drug or alcohol abuse?"
"No. Well, not really. I mean, I got a DUI 2 years ago, but it's no problem now. I go to meetings and stuff."

#4
"When could you start work?"
"Tomorrow."
"Why not today?"
"Well, last year I attended Janitorial School, and I would like to go over all my notes and study before my first day of work."
(Really? Cause we need you to take out trash and clean some toilets..... Oh, and the same kid who said #1, also said this. I would bet a paycheck he's never been laid.)

#5
"Are you going to show up for work everyday?"
"You see, you wake up every morning and you ask yourself 'Is you going to work, or is you not going?' and some days you is going. And some days, well, you is not going..."

Amazingly, we did find a few people who actually wanted to work... and nothing squirted out of our noses during the interviewing process. I will not get into the guy who would not answer questions and had a huge stack of papers with a bunch of writing on them. Our guess was he stumbled into the wrong room and was instead looking for an open mic night. Or the woman who came in with a shirt that left nothing to the imagination. Or even the guy who came to an interview in flip flops, cut offs and a beer shirt. Really? I can't wait to get back home with my hillbilly friends and my husband and dog.