No one said it would be easy...

I guess I should explain what happened.... more because I need to than that anyone wants to know...

So I went to the ER on Saturday, with a tiny bit of blood and a really bad feeling. The ER experience was terrible. My husband saw the sonogram tech type No Heart Tone and down he went. Passed out.... twice. They thought he was going to have a seizure. And there I stood, already scared, while they put him in a separate room and ran an IV and put him on a heart monitor. Then the ER doctor came in, told me "Yes, Miscarriage" and handed me a paper that informed me that when I naturally passed everything, to collect it, put it in a bowl and put it in the fridge until I see the doctor... That would be about the time I LOST IT. Because no. Is it not terrible enough that you lost the baby, but then to be asked to do that. I am a strong person, and I am dealing with this, but that was over the top.

So I left there not knowing how or why, and also was one Hot Mess. (Husband is okay. Low Potassium, and vasovagal response, which I also have, so we know how to deal with it.)

I cried until I didn't think I had anymore tears left. Big, heart broken sobs that I could not control. I was in shock. The doctor had said miscarriage, but then the ill-informed nurse told me that I should just keep hoping and praying that the baby would hold on. It was a roller coaster ride. They refused to schedule a D&C, they wanted me to miscarry naturally.

On Monday I called my wonderful doctor, explained the situation and was seen ASAP. He did more blood work to confirm a non-viable pregnancy, talked to us, and answered questions. I only measured about 6/7 weeks on the sonogram. I should have been almost 10. He also promised to run tests to see if there were any problems we could fix. I knew the outlook was not good at all, but I actually felt better when we left. The dr. was kind, and not only spent time with us, but was concerned enough to ask how we were both doing emotionally and if we needed anything. I am happy he is being proactive and testing now so it will hopefully not happen again.

I heard back from the OB office this morning. My levels have dropped, and it is non-viable. I go in for a D&C tomorrow (Wednesday) morning. Then, hopefully, the healing process can begin, and we can have more questions answered. No one told us this would be easy, but I was prepared for a battle to become pregnant, not to stay pregnant. We knew it would be uphill, we just didn't realize it would hurt so much.