I Should Come With A Warning Label

I'm 3 Months Old and Do What I Want!!!

2010-08-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

Hello Ladies. I will stun you with my cuteness. Then, probably poop up my back with my impressive gastric gymnastics. Cause I? Am chunkalicious..... For reelz, people. At my 9 week check-up, I was 24.5 inches long, and weighed just a bit over 15 pounds. Next meal? Steak please!! But, Mommy can't complain, cause I am a happy guy, and totally sleep through the night. They owe me BIG. Just wait until baby #2. I will make sure that I not only tell them all the things that drive Mommy and Daddy nuts, but I am sure that I will get all jealous and act like a crazy man as well. Heh heh.

These are mah feets. That is Gramsey holding them. Her is big, and likes to spoil me. Pap does too. Not to mention my other Grandma and Pap. Also? The whole family is all up in mah grill. I don't even know my own name, they call me so many things. Timothy Christopher, TC, Wiley Guy, Booger Butt, Big Tim, Chunk, Chunky, Chunkalicious, TT, Smoochie.... if you want me to respond people, decide on a name and stick with it!!

This is me showing off my sweet swimming skillz. It was mah first time in the pool, but I obviously knew what I was doing. Cause I am almost 3 months old. I also don't need to take naps during the day, and can practically take care of myself. Just make the bottle and no one gets hurt. So far, life is pretty good. For the most part, Mommy has stopped acting like a complete lunatic, Daddy lets me do man stuff with him, and this huge hairy thing insists on liking me on the top of the head a lot. Mommy says she is mah puppy, but her is way bigger than me... As long as no one makes any stupid and uneducated comments on Mommy's blog about decisions that are completely none of their business, Mama promises to update more often with pictures of Mah Cute. Mmmm.... I think it is time to eat again. :)

A month already?

2010-06-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Wiley Guy was one month old. Already. And it has flown by. This amazing little person has already been a part of our lives for 4 weeks. And I find myself wondering "What did we do without him?!!?" He is the most laid back, content fat baby ever. He just digs hanging out, watching the world from his bouncy seat. He is a flirt, and always happy to be, well, where ever he is. He eats like a champ, and has been sleeping through the night since he was two weeks old. Best. Baby. Ever.

I'm waiting for that comment to bite me in the butt... and I know it will.

Anyway, Timothy Christopher was born May 19th, 2010 at 8:10am. He weighed 8lbs. 14.5 oz and was 21 inches long. At his last doctor appt. he weighed 9lbs. 14 oz. We visit the dr. again on Tuesday. He is a chunk, and if you take his bottle away from him before he is done.... Look Out! Cause he honest to god yells at you.

So today, on Father's Day, we are waiting for Daddy to get home, so we can spend the day together and eat yummy steaks on the grill. (Wiley Guy will probably just have a bottle...) The first month seems like a blink of an eye. Pregnancy lasted sooo long, and Mommyhood goes by so quickly.

On a bit of a serious note, I also want to post a Public Service Announcement: Post Partum Anxiety Disorder is real, and absolutely horrible to go through. The first 72 hours we were home, I did not sleep. Not because I had a newborn who was screaming, nope. He was sleeping. I was up, afraid something would happen. What if he choked, what if he stopped breathing??!?!? And then? The anxiety attacks started. After Zoloft and Xanax I am still struggling with anxiety. Baby? Healthy and Happy. Mama? Bat Shit Crazy. If you have anxiety, or PPD, get help. You are no good to your children if you are not completely healthy.

Happy One Month Wiley Guy. I don't know what we did without you, and are so blessed to be parents. You are an amazing son. I love you. :)

Um, I made this?

2010-05-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

Meet Wiley Guy! He was born at 8:10am on May 19th, 2010.... His Mama's birthday. What an amazing birthday gift!

8 pounds 14.5 ounces 21 inches long

Morning of the C-Section. 39 weeks.

Motherhood is amazing.... and exhausting!

Happy Birthday to Me!..... and Wiley Guy?

2010-05-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, May 19th, is mah birfday. I will accept cards, gifts and money. It is not a super good birthday, just 28. But tomorrow will always stand out in my mind. Why?

Tomorrow my son will be born!! Wiley Guy is slated to arrive in this big mean world via C-Section at approximately 7:30am! That's right, my son and I will share a birthday.... and hopefully many more amazing milestones. I have waited for this for so long, and worked so hard for it, and now it is almost over. I'm going to be a MOMMY!!! :)

All Bark and No Bite...

2010-04-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is Sydney. She is 2. She scares people who try to come to our front door. But really? She is a big baby. And she KNOWS something is up. She knows mommy is way fatter, and that everything is going to change. But for the time being, she is our baby and is all bark, and no bite.

Apparently Wiley Guy is also all bark and no bite. Cause three weeks ago, he was all "I'm coming early bitches! You are so not ready, and are totally stressing out now, and here I come!! Bahahaha!! Oh, and also Lesson one in motherhood: Plan Nothing. Cause I rule this house."

And the OB had to tell Wiley Guy "'Scuse me little man, but you are staying put. I don't like your attitude, and furthermore, you don't know what you are in for. P.S. Don't scare your mother like that."

So now, now.....Now that Wiley guy is allowed to make his grand appearance? "Is happy in here. Just sleeping and getting fat. Hahaha, really had you all worried... But now that you are all ready for me? I stay here. Because again, I'm the Boss. I will let YOU know when I'm ready."

Ah, the waiting game. I don't know how is staying where he is. We are 80% effaced, already starting to dilate, and hello? His large cranium feels like a bowling ball in my pelvis. I am sure you can imagine how lovely and pleasant I am. So until I can post Adorable! Fat! Baby! Pictures!, you can all see just how cute our dog is. Keep in mind, she is super mouthy too. Because, of course she is. She's my dog!

2010-04-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Okay people! We made it to 35 weeks... and let me tell you, it has been touch and go... So keep reading for an update into the longest 2 weeks of my LIFE...

We went to the OB for our giant baby ultrasound and appt on Monday, April 5th. Baby looked wonderful, but giant. Approximate weight? Oh, 6lbs. at 8oz. At 32 weeks 5 days. Seriously? We measured 35 weeks at that point. OB says, point blank, plan on a C-section at 39 weeks. He is going to be big, and in general, the bigger the baby, the less likely they are to come early. They are just all up in there being fat and lazy. Okay, check.

Husband was on midnights that week and Monday night I tossed and turned. Something was weird, but I could not put my finger on it. I got up Tuesday morning and got ready to go into the office for just a bit to help my dad with a few things. Sitting at the desk I again felt off. My belly would get tight, and kind of take my breath away. not painful, just.... uncomfortable? It happened about 4 to 6 times an hour. So I called the doctor, finally. They told me to drink water, lay on my side. If it did not go away in an hour, take my huge self to Labor & Delivery. What did I do? Well... I went and had lunch first, because Obviously. I then went home. I drank some water, and laid on my side. And fell asleep... for 2 hours. Oops. When I woke up, it was still happening. But they were probably Braxton hicks, right? Right? So I went upstairs and laid in bad. Still no relief. Maybe we should go to L&D. But they are going to tell me I'm a drama queen and don't even know what contractions are. But, yeah, maybe I should just get checked. So I shower, and fix my hair. Because, obviously. We get to L&D at 6:30. I'm admitted by 7pm. Because, obviously.

At this point you can imagine Jay and I are both dumbfounded. We both thought they would tell me to suck it up, and go home. They were Braxton Hicks. But noooo! They are real contractions. I am 1 1/2 cm dialated... and 70% effaced. Yeah, Wiley guy is getting anxious. So now they start trying to stop the contractions. Tons of IV meds. And poking and proding. Mainly in my lady business. Not fun. Finally get it stopped. Am released Wednesday morning with strict instructions for bedrest (So not as fun as I thought it would be) and a bagfull of pills to keep Wiley Guy where he is. I had to come back to L&D that night for another steroid shot to help mature Wiley Guy's little lungs. In case they could not stop contractions if they started again. We went from L&D directly to surgery, where my Mama Rufie was getting ready to go in for a hysterectomy. Which was a nightmare in itself. She ended up in surgery twice as long as they had planned, needed 9 units of blood, was intubated for 48 hours, kept in ICu for 4 days, and spent over a week in the hospital. She is now home, and starting to recover, but it was a scary week for her.

So we go home, and I begin bed rest. Which, sucks. We are to go to the Ob twice a week, for non-stress tests and appts. Other than restroom, and showering every other day, I'm in bed, the couch or recliner. At this point the nursery is not finished, my house is a mess, and my mom is not even conscious. So, obviously I'm on bedrest.

Now my mom and I are home together, with everyone taking turns waiting on us. :) My husband, sister and mother-in-law were kind enough to clean my house, and finish the nursery, and my grandfather finished putting the trim up, and new closet doors in the nursery as well. We are ready for Wiley Guy now!! :) We had another OB appt. on Tuesday. I'm 80% effaced and at 0 station, which I was at minus 2 station, so he is riding low. The doctor's exact words while checking me? "Oh my! His head is RIGHT THERE. He is coming soon! Just don't pop tonight, the Penguins are playing".... Um, Okay?

So it looks like we may have a baby way before we expected. I was 35 weeks yesterday. The dr. is estimating he is between 7.5 and 8 pounds. Not bad! I measured 38 weeks. I rock at baybee growing. I will try and keep up on posting, and let you know when Wiley Guy makes his grand appearance!

Update? Yes I will.

2010-04-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update on the Huge Baybee front: We go for another ultrasound on Monday. We will then see how big Wiley Guy is and perhaps begin the talk of induction and c-section. (He has been measuring quite big for sometime now, but at our 29 week ultrasound he measured almost 33 weeks and was already 4lbs!) I am still not gaining any weight, so I am obviously an awesome baybee grower.... and he is a sumo wrestler!

Other than getting prepared to birth Godzilla Baybee, all is well. Our shower was last Sunday, and it was amazing. We had over 80 people come, and it was wonderful to see so many family and friends. Wiley Guy is already loved by so many! On top of the tons of awesome swag he got, we counted over 85 outfits alone! He will be the best dresses guy on the block!!

The nursery is almost finished! The trim will be here on Monday, and the mattress came today. So we have to have the trim installed, which will not take but a day or so, and put the bedding on the crib. Everything else is done.... and we are ready. Now begins the waiting game.

I know we still have 8 weeks left, but I can't help and think he will be making his star studded debut early! The OB said they will not induce before 39 weeks, but I don't think there is going to be much room left in there for him come a few more weeks!! As we speak he is using my lungs as punching bags while stomping on my bladder at the same time. Quite the busy guy!

At this point, pregnancy is Amazing! Yes, I am big. Yes, I have back pain. But yes, I am going to meet our son in a matter of weeks. He is so active now, but only at night. Wiley Guy takes after his Mama and is not a morning person! :) Now the biggest issue is our dog. She knows something is up, and I do not think she is going to like no longer being the baby! Lol!

Turbans and Tests...A fun day out.

2010-01-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those moments? Like the "Oh Crap!" kind of moments? Like, just for example, making an appointment with your neurologist to have an EEG.... at 7am?!?!?!? The fact that I have to wake, shower, and be there by 7am, did not hit me until we got in the car. Then, I had my moment. What was I thinking?? I don't DO morning. EVER.

But anyway, I went to see the neurologist on Tuesday. He wore a turban. It was green. At one point, during the examination, it was almost in my mouth. Awkward. And gross. He talked to us. He checked my reflexes. He asked how often I had the headaches. He looked in my eyes with a flashlight (this would be when his green turban was resting on mah nose). He called us back into his office.

He then dropped the bomb. He wanted me to have an EEG. Just to be safe, but he is sure the headaches? Yeah, they are caused by stress and anxiety. Yup, tension migraines. That is right folks. Am a drama queen. Have been giving mahself headaches. Needed a freaking brain doctor to inform me that I AM CRAZY. Nice.

So I actually had the prescription for the anti-anxiety meds filled. (I didn't start taking them earlier because I thought that I was doing much better.... and because I am a Doctor. Obviously)

This is all just really hard for me to swallow. I think mainly because I have a hard time admitting I have anxiety. Maybe because I have dealt with it for so long that I think it is normal. I had no idea what anxiety entailed. I figured I have never had a panic attack, so obviously, I am anxiety free! FAIL. Apparently, being unable to sleep cause you can't "turn your mind off" would be anxiety. Who knew? So now, more meds. (And I really hate taking all these meds while pregnant)

Other than that, Wiley Guy is busy, busy, busy. A few days ago, I swear he was rearranging his room. He was getting some stuff done. He gets really active at night, and also after I eat. Like his Mama, he loves eating :) He also enjoys Dr. Pepper!! It is so neat that he already has some sort of personality... Like, he is a night owl. Which runs in my family. I just hope he enjoys sleeping in as much as I do as well. :) Right now, minus the migraines, pregnancy is pretty amazing. Yes, I am uncomfortable. Yes, my back hurts. But yes, it will be worth it!

Also starting to think about the nursery and shower... (Finally let myself start planning. I put it off for so long because WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED?!?!?) But I am sucking it up and planning. I can't wait until the baby comes to decorate the nursery. We picked our theme (Puppies!!!) and I am slowly buying some things and starting to register. But I still have moments where anxiety gets the best of me, and I have to take a step back. 23 weeks, 3 days and still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Luckily my husband is amazing, and my Mama knows just when to tough love me, and just when to take me shopping! So for now, baby steps. And I have decided to STOP WATCHING all the "OMG I am pregnant and THIS HAPPENED to my BAYBEE" shows. Cause that is not helping AT ALL.

Oh hai mom.... Were you sleeping?!?!?

2010-01-19T15:41:00.000-08:00

I know I just updated, but I am going to try and do better....please hold your applause.

So husband is on afternoons this week and decided to work over last night, meaning he would not get home until about 2:30am. So doghead and I watched some TV, we farmvilled, we worked on our baby registry, and were, in general, full of the lazy.

Now up until this point, I have felt Wiley Guy move quite often, but if was just movement. Nothing really major, just the weird something swimming in mah belleh.... until last night.....

So about 11:45pm, doghead and I drag ourselves to bed. And we lay down. And get comfy. And then....... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?!?!?! Welcome to the Uterus Soccer championships!!

Cause there was some MAJOR kicking. Keeping me away kicking. Hey mom are you sleeping?? Cause no you're not. And it went on FOREVAH!!! When hubby got home at 2:30 he was STILL kicking like a madman. So hard that husband actually got to FEEL it, for the FIRST TIME.

Now, of course, this is AMAZZZING. We both just lay in bed, enthralled by what was going on. It was just so strong, and lasted so long. But cept, hello? Needing to do a little sleeping there Wiley Guy. But mom, is practicing mah soccer skillz!!! All in all, amazing, yet exhausting.

Final Score in the Uterus Soccer Championships?? Wiley Guy - 1, Mama - 0. FAIL.

Who Sucks At Pregnancy......And Blogging? THIS GIRL!!!

2010-01-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am sure everyone is waiting with bated breath for an update (Am not delusional....am sarcastic.) so here goes:

The morning sickness passed at about 16 weeks. I stopped referring to fetus as "Devil Baby" about that time as well. Unfortunately, migraine headaches set in about week 10, and as of now, currently 21 weeks, I am still suffering. I have tried several medications, and am going to a neurologist on January 26th to see if a bwain doctor can fix my problem, cause the baby dr. can't. So I'm no longer nauseous, and miserable. I am whiny and miserable now because the headache will not go away. Hopefully I get some relief soon. Some days it is just there, and other days I lay in bed an cry (Don't you all feel bad for my husband right now? YOU SHOULD. I suck at being pregnant)

Coupled with the migraines, is another itsy, bitsy problem. Apparently, it is NOT normal to lay in bed all night wide awake, waiting for the baby to move. It is NOT normal to only think worst case scenario, or to have a breakdown every time I go to the dr because OMG WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG?!?!?!? Obviously, I did not get this memo, because I was under the impression that I was NOT CRAZY, just concerned. My OB told my very nicely "Bitch, You Crazy" and gave me pills for my anxiety. I wish I could just be normal and enjoy this pregnancy instead of doing nothing but worry.

Of course there are a few perks to being knocked up... I think. I have lost 21 pounds since peeing on a stick. Of course, I could stand to lose 120 pounds, but you have to start somewhere, right?? I'm not some crazy person who was afraid to gain weight (Hello?? I heart food and knew I would be a blimp....) but I did cut out caffeine and so much other crap that I often ate, that weight loss has ensued. I am okay with this development. I figure I should start packing on the pounds very shortly though... And being a big-ish girl (Hahahaha. Fat, am a fat girl) I was super surprised and excited to find that I look like I am actually pregnant. I have went from looking like Jaba the Hut to a cute preggie girl. (And Hooray for maternity jeans. They are a gift from GOD. I may wear those for always now...)

And I have had the awkward run ins thus far. The most traumatic one happening at Walmart (Hard to believe, huh?) I was standing in line, which was 6 miles long as it was 2 weeks before Christmas, and accidentally made eye contact with the guy behind me. No hard, no foul, right? WRONG. Suddenly we are best friends and Hi, how are you? Is this your first child? How old are you? When are you due? (And for me, this begins as kind of fun... Someone noticed I was pregnant....) And then............ He asks if I am HAPPILY MARRIED. And I say Yes, of course. "Oh yeah, me too, me too." He tells me. Then proceeds to explain "But you know, as happy as you are, sometimes a guy gets tired of eating chicken over and over, he would like a little steak once in a while" and winks. At me. Because apparently fat pregnant girls are steak. Naturally. So I am weirded out and pray for the line to move quickly. With my back to him I can still hear him explaining that sometimes, YOU JUST WANT TO PUT YOUR DIPSTICK SOMEWHERE ELSE. I paid and got out of there as quickly as I could before calling my mom and husband, who of course, both thought it was hilarious. My mom ask if I was dressed like a skank. I informed her I was wearing maternity jeans and a hoodie. She told me it sounded like I was asking for it. Disgusting.

So there have certainly been some ups and downs and we are only half way through the baking process. We went for our 19 week sonogram and were told that Baby is measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule. I am obviously an awesome baybee grower. Oh, and we also found out the gender at that appointment as well. We were able to see all the parts and pieces,hear the heartbeat as well as see it, and actually recorded it and put it in the build-a-bear my sister got us for Christmas. Very nice. Our sonogram was on New Year's Eve, and that night we had lots to celebrate..... because will be welcoming our SON to the world at the end of May. :) And that of course, makes everything I am going through, completely worth it. Even at midnight when I am ready for bed and he starts practicing his sweet gymnastics skills.

Drum Roll Please!

2009-10-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

I have some Exciting! News! Internets.... I have already started my Christmas shopping! This is huge, huge, huge for moi. (I usually start Black Friday.... and hate myself for it.) And yet, I already have some things put away, simply in need of wrapping and tagging. I rock.

On a few other levels, I don't RAWK. As in, I cancelled the 80's Halloween Par-tay. Cause, meh, I wasn't feeling it people. Although I still have an AWESOME! poster of Ferris Bueller.

And also, I suck because I don't do ANYTHING anymore. All I do is lay around and sleep.... Of course that may be attributed to the fact that I have gotten mahself all knocked up and such (And I am pretty sure the baby daddy is my husband, Whew!)

Yes, You heard it here, I am 'specting. :) HoOoOoOoOoOray!!!

You want to hear all the juicy details, you say? Sure no problem!!

I did a home preggo test on September 14th, which was 5 days before AF. But, you know, I had the feeeeeeeeling. And BAM! two pink lines! So, like, holy crap, I have known since mid-September and have kept it from you! Yes, I am a whore.

Had tons of blood work and testing done, which leads to the fact that I am on Progesterone Suppositories (Yes, they are As! Much! Fun! As! They! Sound!) Also, they are the devil. I already look pregnant. I am 10 weeks along. Progesterone = The Devil.

Had our first sonogram at 8 weeks, 1 baby, all is well. We are HAPPY! And we are trying to stay POSITIVE!!!! And we are PRAYING all goes well!!!

Of course, I have nausea all day, every day, which is reassuring. As well as horrible. Which makes me a waste of space. Totally. I am the queen of Dry-Heaving and Gagging. Who is Sex-ay? This girl!!

So please, internet friends, keep your fingers crossed that we make it out of the woods. All I want is to be a Mommy... (Or make out with Brad Pitt. Put I would prefer being a Mommy) Until next time, please spay and neuter your pets. Thankskbye.

Public Service Announcement: FALL IS HERE!!!

2009-09-25T08:55:00.001-07:00

I am taking time out of doing my happy dance to let everyone know: FALL IS HERE!!! Hip-Hip-Hooray!! If only it lasted more than two weeks, my life would be complete!

And also, next weekend will mark Husband and I's 1st Anniversary (And.... He is not dead yet!!!!) What will we be doing to celebrate this momentous occasion? Why, I will be attending a Baby Shower and he will be fishing a tournament. And that is how we have succeeded in being SO FULL OF THE HAPPY.... by doing our own thing. Lol. Cause sometimes? I would rather be alone with a good book than in a boat with him and the dog. It keeps us sane.

Also on our agenda? Bringin' Back the 80's Halloween Party! So far, I have done nothing to get ready for this EXCEPT buy a Ferris Bueller's Day Off poster. Which, personally, I feel is a really good start to a successful party. Now, where did I put my legwarmers?!?!?!?

Did that REALLY just happen?!?!?

2009-08-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

I Just want to quickly post a little window into my daily life. This happened last night:

Me: Babe, how many pairs of boxers did you pack for the trip?

Hubby: 5, why?

Me: Wellll, we will be gone for 8 days, soooo you prolly need to pack more.

Hubby: YOU ARE NOT MY MOM. 5 IS ENOUGH!

Me: So you are going to wear dirty underwear at the beach?!?!?

Hubby: Maybe I will not wear ANY underwear.

Me: Gross.

At this point, hubby walked out and slammed a bunch of doors. He then slept on the couch. This morning, after almost being late for work, he conceded that perhaps he will need a few more pairs of boxers. Mission Accomplished. :)

Moment of Silence

2009-08-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, this country has lost a great icon. I was one of the biggest fans. That amazing icon will be sorely missed. Please join me in a moment of silence to mourn the loss..... of Boston Market. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a sad time for my husband and I.

Moooving on.... What has 2 thumbs and leaves for the beach on Friday? This girl!! What also has 2 thumbs and is hopped up on vicodin cause she has a bad tooth? This girl! Of course I have a toothache. Because I? Am going out of town for a week. Why would I not have a toothache? Gah!

So, of course I am super busy with getting ready for vacation, and more good news!! Jay informed me his family is coming to stay with us for a week, 2 days after we get home!! (And 1 day after I get my tooth pulled!) How lucky is that?!?! Don't get me wrong, I love Jay's family, especially Pete and Carrie, who are staying with us, but the timing BLOWS! So now I am not only doing laundry and trying to pack, but also scrubbing showers, cleaning restrooms and stripping bed linens. The fun never stops here. And then my awesome husband informs me 2 days ago, it is not just his cousin and wife..... But their 3 kids as well. I hope my head dosen't 'splode. Cause seriously?

I am also currently planning a Bridal Shower and Bacholorette Party, as well as attending another one, we have a wedding reception coming up, I am in a wedding in October, as well as attending another one that same month. Not to mention all the birthdays, deck-sitting and BBQ's still on our agenda.... which leaves barely any time.....for baby makin'

Which we are getting ready to start doing. We took an extra couple months, just to settle in, and prepare. Which, we really prepared nothing, but it sounds good when you tell people that. So maybe? We are just afraid it will happen again, so we are stalling. And also? With all this shower/ bachlorette party/ and wedding business, who wants to be knocked up? (This is my mantra when the negative test stares me in the face.) So I guess we are half-assed trying. But what with all the vicodin at this time, baby makin' is on hiatus. So... yeah.

Also, a parting thought.... Halloween is on a Saturday this year.... and my husband and I are holding a PARTY..... And just like P. Diddy's WHITE PARTY, you must adhere to the strict dress code, or you will be turned away.... We will be hosting.... an 80's HALLOWEEN PARTY!! (I hope someone dresses up at ALF)

I'm surrounded by Idiots!

2009-06-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

Kristen has been sent to "The Big City" full of "The Crazy People" for a week for work. While there, she had to conduct interviews with another supervisor. This was the highlight of her week. Keep in mind: These interviews are to fill a janitorial position in a factory. We're not looking for Mensa candidates people (Because, Gah! We could barely find people to clean toilets.... but there were plenty of Welfare Candidates.....

TOP FIVE RESPONSES RECEIVED IN INTERVIEWS TODAY:

#1
"Do you have reliable transportation?"
"Yeah... I have a 1993 Ford Escort. That baby purrs..." (I don't know how we did not squirt pop out of our noses for this response.)

#2
"We are strict on our attendance policy. Do you have a problem with getting to work?"
"You know, I 'm not gonna lie..... I miss a good bit of work...when I have a job."

#3
"Do you have a problem with drug or alcohol abuse?"
"No. Well, not really. I mean, I got a DUI 2 years ago, but it's no problem now. I go to meetings and stuff."

#4
"When could you start work?"
"Tomorrow."
"Why not today?"
"Well, last year I attended Janitorial School, and I would like to go over all my notes and study before my first day of work."
(Really? Cause we need you to take out trash and clean some toilets..... Oh, and the same kid who said #1, also said this. I would bet a paycheck he's never been laid.)

#5
"Are you going to show up for work everyday?"
"You see, you wake up every morning and you ask yourself 'Is you going to work, or is you not going?' and some days you is going. And some days, well, you is not going..."

Amazingly, we did find a few people who actually wanted to work... and nothing squirted out of our noses during the interviewing process. I will not get into the guy who would not answer questions and had a huge stack of papers with a bunch of writing on them. Our guess was he stumbled into the wrong room and was instead looking for an open mic night. Or the woman who came in with a shirt that left nothing to the imagination. Or even the guy who came to an interview in flip flops, cut offs and a beer shirt. Really? I can't wait to get back home with my hillbilly friends and my husband and dog.

Work, Shmerk.

2009-06-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Right now? I should totally be working. Like, driving to a job site, putting my time in working. And yet? Here I am. Why? Because I know I have been neglecting you, dear internets, and I apoligize.

So, I have decided to throw caution to the wind, and blog during work. Also, the boss is gone for the day, and I am about done. But, not the point!

Our summer is turning into on scheduled outing after another. My baby sister graduated from high school this past Sunday (Big tear), and general summer fun is already starting to happen.

We went to visit our good friends who live out of town a few weekends ago, and as I was showing off the ring Jay bought me, my girlfriend said "Wait a minute, that is my ring." We have the same exact ring, for the same exact reason. She was due in March, me in October. After having realized that, she decided we should hold hands all night, because obviously, we are soulmates. (Drinking may have been occuring as well.)

I have spent 3,000 hours weeding flower beds, have gotten sun burnt twice already, and have finally admitted I have allergies. Oh, and also I was able to sneak away from my husband on lawn care day, and trim the hedges. I tried making a swan, but somehow ended up with a misshapen ball of brown pine needles. I blame the hedge trimmers. My husband blames me. Whatev.

We have also started our traditional deck sitting. The Offical Kick-Off is next Friday, so we have just been "Pre-Season Deck Sitting". Our BBQ rotation is also shaping up nicely. This summer is already packed with things to do! It is wonderful to have such great friends and neighbors.

It is also great to have neighbors who still speak to you after your German Shepard tries to eat their dog. Cause that totally happened this weekend as well. To Sydney's defense....the dog was in our yard, Syd was tied up, and, according to Sydney, the dog was giving her "The Stank Eye". She is on probation. Little dog had to visit the vet for a few stitches, but has hopefully learned to stay in her own yard and pick on someone her own size.

Oooookay, now? I really do have to go do something. We discussed the baby making project, and have decided to wait another month or two. We are trying to get set financially, as well as emotionally. Also, I am trying to get healthy, and fixing my back is a priority. So hopefully in a few months we will be successful, but for now, we are enjoying our Newlyweddedness (Totally a word, shut it) and summer.

Don't forget to spay or neuter your animals. Seacrest, out.

Sunny Days and Shexy Hair

2009-04-28T21:09:00.000-07:00

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd.......................I'm Back!!!

It's been a pretty busy month, and I wish I could say that it was full of the Funny! but, not so much. But I was told by my Hair-Doer that I MUST update, therefore.... Here I am. And I got nothing, people.

Husband is away for a week long fishing trip (Can I get an Amen Brothers and Sisters!) and I have the E-N-T-I-R-E bed all to Mahself.

What else has happened? I got new Blonde-y hair. I actually got to sit outside with the neighbors already. I tried to propose marriage to my back-cracker. Cause God, do I looove him. And I am working insane amounts of time.

I dropped my dog off over at Grandma and Pap's (That would be my parents, and P.S.? They love when I talk about their grand-dog. They are trying to have me committed. Whatev.) Anyway, Doghead is living it up this week with my sisters dog Gracie-Butt. I can only imagine they are staying up late giggling and talking about boys. (Okay, maybe my parents have a reason for wanting me committed..)

I really wish I had something amazing, and witty to say. I went to the OB, everything looks okay, we can try again in 2 cycles... blah blah blah. My husband bought me a beautiful ring for Easter with October's birthstone in it to remember the baby we lost. It makes me feel good to have something that signifies our loss. Our life is going on, and getting easier, but I still fall down some days.

Our group of friends has decided to make our own fun this year, and have a summer to remember. Currently, I believe we are working on a BBQ rotation, and Deck Sitting Season will officially kick off soon. Here's to warm weather, and sunshine.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... I'm Out!!

P.S. Please keep my good friend Crystal in your thoughts for the next few weeks. Her 3 year old daughter had a mole removed for biopsy today and will not get the results back for 1 to 2 weeks. Miss Buggy is too cute for words, so please pray that all is well. Thank you.

Word Vomit and Lady Bits

2009-04-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

I go to the OB for my 2 week follow-up in the morning. Fully expect terrible news, and am willing to show off my lady bits to anyone who will a.) look and b.) give me a reason why I can't carry a baby past 7 weeks. If this means the janitor, I am fine with that... I have my good days and bad, bad being can't stop crying (And P.S.? I hate to cry, so of course when these days happen? Am Annoyed.) A good day would be not feeling like I was just punched in the stomach. And the always present people who word vomit and think they are being helpful? Awesome for the healing process. Like this convo I had at a graduation party on Saturday:

Drunk Moron: Wow! 2 miscarriages, huh?

Moi: Um, yes.

DM: That is really rough? What are you doing?

Moi: Doing? Um, just trying to stay positive...

DM: No, I mean doing wrong? I never had a miscarriage...

Moi: Oh, right. Doing wrong. Perhaps it was all the recreational drugs I was doing?
Then, I thought about neck punching her. Cause, I totally think I deserve to neck punch her. Actually, I think that I would be doing the human race a favor if I neck punch her.

In other news, my dog has decided she LOVES! POPCORN!! But if mommy gives her popcorn, daddy yells at both of us. So mommy is trying to teach Sydney to Chew! With! Her! Mouth! Closed! So far? Colossal FAIL. But Mmmm...... is popcorn good.

No one said it would be easy...

2009-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

I guess I should explain what happened.... more because I need to than that anyone wants to know...

So I went to the ER on Saturday, with a tiny bit of blood and a really bad feeling. The ER experience was terrible. My husband saw the sonogram tech type No Heart Tone and down he went. Passed out.... twice. They thought he was going to have a seizure. And there I stood, already scared, while they put him in a separate room and ran an IV and put him on a heart monitor. Then the ER doctor came in, told me "Yes, Miscarriage" and handed me a paper that informed me that when I naturally passed everything, to collect it, put it in a bowl and put it in the fridge until I see the doctor... That would be about the time I LOST IT. Because no. Is it not terrible enough that you lost the baby, but then to be asked to do that. I am a strong person, and I am dealing with this, but that was over the top.

So I left there not knowing how or why, and also was one Hot Mess. (Husband is okay. Low Potassium, and vasovagal response, which I also have, so we know how to deal with it.)

I cried until I didn't think I had anymore tears left. Big, heart broken sobs that I could not control. I was in shock. The doctor had said miscarriage, but then the ill-informed nurse told me that I should just keep hoping and praying that the baby would hold on. It was a roller coaster ride. They refused to schedule a D&C, they wanted me to miscarry naturally.

On Monday I called my wonderful doctor, explained the situation and was seen ASAP. He did more blood work to confirm a non-viable pregnancy, talked to us, and answered questions. I only measured about 6/7 weeks on the sonogram. I should have been almost 10. He also promised to run tests to see if there were any problems we could fix. I knew the outlook was not good at all, but I actually felt better when we left. The dr. was kind, and not only spent time with us, but was concerned enough to ask how we were both doing emotionally and if we needed anything. I am happy he is being proactive and testing now so it will hopefully not happen again.

I heard back from the OB office this morning. My levels have dropped, and it is non-viable. I go in for a D&C tomorrow (Wednesday) morning. Then, hopefully, the healing process can begin, and we can have more questions answered. No one told us this would be easy, but I was prepared for a battle to become pregnant, not to stay pregnant. We knew it would be uphill, we just didn't realize it would hurt so much.

2009-03-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

Went to the E.R. on Saturday.
(Something did not feel right)

No Heartbeat.

Miscarriage #2.

I have a girl crush....

2009-02-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

So, Wednesday I went to the OB for the first time. I actually did not even meet with the doctor yet, just the nurses, whom I now have a crush on. Especially one. Her name is Denise. And she is super snarky, like moi. So I heart her.

She actually gave me a "freebie" ultrasound, so I would "Stop Whining". All looked good, and there is only one peanut in there. I am measuring a little off. I thought I was about 7 weeks, but I only measured 6w1d. I am told this is nothing to Freak! Out! Over!* Of course, I had to do all the normal** stuff as well. Like peeing in a cup, answering tons of questions (Am already a bad mom cause I don't have a peds Dr yet) and they took like 4 liters of blood.

I would post the ultrasound pic, but it is on the kitchen table, and I am parked on the couch, and Gah! That is soooo far away. Yes, I still suck at life. Sleeping is my favorite and it is still being interrupted by my stupid bladder. And don't get me started about my lack of a #2.... Pregnancy in the first trimester is NOT SEXY. My poor husband. First Trimester + Strep Throat = Unsexiness cubed.

Other than that, I go back to the OB on March 26th, and I should be about 10 weeks by then. Fingers Crossed. My boobs are huge-r than normal, and hurt way much bad. Like, if I move too fast I leave them behind, and that hurts like the devil. Am Whining. Am bitter. Am not going to stop for *Hopefully* 8 more months. :) Due date at this point is still October 11, 2009. Which, of course it is, because I am the Matron of Honor in Neighbor's Wedding, on October 17th. Baby is already f-ing up shop. Sounds like Baby will be a drama queen, like it's mother. (I would prefer not to have a little boy drama queen...)

In other news, Hooray for rain, and sun and warm weather. I will take anything other than snow. I now cry over ANYthing. Which is messy, since it is stupid things, like Adoption Stories, and Bass Master Tournaments and Oh! My! God! My little sister is graduating in May and Boo! Hoo! Hoo!!!! I am a train wreck. At least I am not crying over the weather now.

* Of course, I am still Freaking! Out! cause that is just how I roll. Cause if I had nothing to obsess over, what would I do?!?!?
**Anyone who knows me will understand that at times, I may not be aware of what is normal in certain instances, especially in college....

Who's Idea Was This Pregnancy Thing?!?!?!?

2009-02-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

What is more fun, dear Internets, than having morning sickness that lasts all day??

Why, morning sickness that lasts all day with a big heaping side dish of Strep! Throat! Awesomeness.

I go to the OB tomorrow, and will update again then. Hopefully, it will be good news, since I am pretty sick all the damn time. Until then, lots of fluids, rest and antibiotics. WooHoo! At least I got the day off work, but only because my Boss/Dad informed me "I don't want you here!!!"

Did anyone really think that I would be pleasant??

2009-02-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

Hello Internets. Since dropping the "Big News" on you, I have been living my life, one day at a time. Of course, having just had a miscarriage, I am very concerned with losing this baby as well, so I am even More! Psycho! than is normal. My poor husband. Having said that, things seem to be going well.... Mostly.

The biggest problem coming at 5am this morning... When my body revolted against me, and made me Wake! Up! and Pee! at that ungodly hour. Then I couldn't go back to sleep! Do you KNOW how much I love to sleep?? I am fabulous at it. Like, all-star sleeper. And I could not go back to bed. Am pissed at pregnant body for betraying me so early on. What next?? Boob stretch marks at 10 weeks?

Other than that seemingly innocent situation, and other than feeling like I am going to Throw Up Right Now, all the time, things are okay. My mood swings are not bad yet, which is amazing, since they were wicked pre-pregnancy. My only other complaint is the tiredness. I would hear other women complain about it and I was all "Suck it up, how bad can it be?!?!" Now.... I am all "Honey, can you pull the car from the drive-way up on the porch, cause ten feet is way too far to walk....." So basically I suck at life. But, I am not lazy, cause hello?!?!? I am busy making a human being right now, what have YOU done lately??

Please keep baby in your thoughts. Although the doctor has told me my chances of carrying to term are "excellent" I am still a bundle of nerves. The miscarriage shook me up, and now every twinge or pain I am running to the bathroom. I am hoping to get through this next 6 weeks so I can relax.... And am trying not to kill anyone. Especially people who serve my food, because what the crap took so long?!?!? I am hungry!!!

May I print a retraction??

2009-02-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

Dear 2009,

I would like to thank you for your prompt attention to my previous letter. I do appreciate the change of heart. I also understand that sometimes we just have a crappy day, or week, etc, and just want to take it out on SOMEone, so we do. Now, perhaps I am just being a little too forgiving, and you are still just a whore... But... I think that some whores are good people, once you get past the crotch-less underwear and STD's. Therefore, I want to thank you for stopping your whore-ery, and again include some examples.

Exhibit A: My husband has been very doting lately, and also remembered Valentine's Day. Am impressed.

Exhibit B: We came into a bit of extra money that was unexpected and are now both breathing a bit easier.

Exhibit C: My good friend Jennepper gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Valentine's Day. Welcome Olivia!!

So it seems that there are good things happening now. And they are appreciated. Of course, winning the lottery would also be greatly appreciated, if you can swing it. Am just saying.... I do see that you are still throwing about unnecessary drama about. My other neighbor's grandpa died. So you are still a whore. Maybe just a high-priced "classy" call girl now.

Again, Kthankxbye
Kristen

In other news.....this happened as well.....

Yes, I kept this from the internets for over a week. We went to the doctor yesterday and everything looked good. I am 5w6d today. We go to the OB on the 25th. So please pray that 2009 won't start her whore-ery again.

A Letter to 2009

2009-02-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

Dear 2009,

I am writing this from one responsible adult to another in hopes of avoiding anymore "situations". Thus far, I feel you have been a real whore. Now I understand we are a mere month into you, yet already not only me, but loved ones as well as "the internets" have had some very trying times. If you don't mind, I would like to review, so you may attest to the whore-ery you have been inflicting.

Exhibit A: Was pregnant. Am no longer. You're a whore.

Exhibit B: Best friend from High School took her own life a few days ago and left behind 2 young children. You're a whore.

Exhibit C: Husband's work has already laid off, and may do so again, as well as my work having major cutbacks. (Yes, I work for family. No, that does not mean my job is easy, or guarenteed) So, again, you're a whore.

Exhibit D: Patiently awaiting my period. Not coming. Yet feel cramp-y and in general, Am a Bitch. Not getting my hopes up sooo......Yeah, you guessed it. You're a whore.

The list could go on, about how my dog suddenly must Lick! My! Socks! before I can get them on my feet, or that my husband has No! Dishwashing! Skills! but I feel that I must just ask to stop being all teenage angsty, and Get Over It. Please, from now on, be kind to my loved ones, be it family or internets. You're immedaite attention to this matter will be appreciated.

Kthanksbye
Kristen

Myspace: The New Forum for Controversial Adult Issues!!

2009-01-27T10:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I deleted someone from Myspace. I probably feel way more guilty than is normal, or even necessary. But... You know me. Always so kind and sentimental. (From the girl who usually complains about cuddling after sex, cause Just Let Me Sleep Now! Gah!!!) Anyway, the reason for the deletion?? Because I finally realized that said friend, is a close-minded, holier than thou, immature idiot. (No Kristen, Tell me how you REALLY feel)

I have been "friends" with said idiot for several years. Childhood, school friends. Now, I am aware that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yes, mine is the RIGHT opinion, but to each their own. (For anyone overly sensitive, that, my friends, is Sarcasm. Learn it, love it.) I do not approve, nor appreciate anything political and/or religious crammed down my throat. I have my beliefs, and those best suit me. You have yours. I do not lecture people on my beliefs, or even why I feel they are wrong in their beliefs. Okay, enough of the crap. Let's get to the reason said friend was deleted.

About a year ago, "friend" posted a Myspace Bulletin (Because that is obviously the correct forum for anything remotely serious/important/controversial) on Partial Birth Abortions. With! Pictures! No matter what your point of view is on abortions, is a Myspace Bulletin with graphic pictures necessary, or going to change any one's opinion?? (To clarify, I am ProChoice. I have very real beliefs, and respect everyone else's) So basically, said "friend" took her personal belief, and posted it on a public forum, a very inappropriate (At least, I think) forum.

So 2 or 3 days ago, she has posted another equally close-minded bulletin. This one?? Political. And again, to each their own. My husband and I voted for different candidates. I felt his choice was not the correct one. He felt the same about mine. We survived, with little to no Major! Election! Issues! ( I called him dumb, He called me dumb...and we were spent.) So I sign on to Myspace, and see a new Bulletin from the friend entitled "The Silver Lining to Having Obama in the White House". I was hoping for a funny post (i.e. Full Sentences Now, Not making up words....) But instead I was disgusted at the content. The gist is that Republicans as a whole, can see the silver lining because...Wait for it.... White People No Longer Have To Feel Guilty.

Wha?!?!?!? Yes, so not only has she made an asshat out of herself, for posting this, but to Republicans everywhere. My husband does not feel this way, nor does several of my friends with the same view. I, of course, am appalled. I am democrat, fairly liberal (Shocker, no?) and not racist. I feel this presidency SHOULD NOT be made into a race issue. Yet people like this, continue to do just that. Therefore, I am venting. If you hate this new president , that is your choice. But never have I told anyone they are WRONG in their beliefs. I do not agree with much organized religion, and consider myself Agnostic. Not Atheist, but agnostic. But my beliefs do not change who I am. I will always be sarcastic and bitchy, if I was democrat or republican, black or white. So tell me, am I the one who is wrong? Did I take this the wrong way, and make more out of it than I should have? Or do people like her need to know that posting content like that is not appreciated??

Okay, I am working 12 hour days all week, and am exhausted. I have another post to do, one with cute! toddler! pictures! about our weekend we babysat our friends 16 month old daughter. (Our dog is Not A Fan of Baby Cuteness!) Until then, Remember to Spay or Neuter your Dog or Cat. Kthanksbye.

Top 10 Reasons Kristen Hates Ohio in January

2009-01-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

#10 It is snowing....Again. Seriously?

#9 Our dog insists on running through every snow drift in the yard, and we own an acre of land. At 7am, this is NOT A GOOD TIME. She then buries her nose and flings snow at me. Again, NOT A GOOD TIME.

#8 Of the two people living in the house with opposable thumbs, neither one enjoys shoveling the sidewalks. Therefore, it does not get done. Meaning you must ice-skate to your car.

#7 I refuse to buy snow boots. (Unless they have Rainbow Brite on them and change colors when they get cold, cause those? Are full of The Awesome. Hello child of the 80's!!) So when I must go outside I either have to A.) Roll up my pants so they do not get wet or B.) Walk on my tippy-toes and still get a shit ton of snow in my shoes. Soggy Socks + 20 Degree Weather = Kristen full of the Pissed Off.

#6 Because ANY plans you have made prior to ten minutes before you must leave for said plans, WILL BE FOILED. No matter what the event or where it takes place a freak snow/ice/acid rain/shit storm will blow in and make traveling treacherous. And if you are able to get out of your drive-way, you will promptly rocket off the side of the road into an abyss.

#5 As soon as our meteorologist declares a potential for snow, there is no milk or bread left at the one store with-in a 20 minute radius. Which sucks, because ALL I WANTED WAS TOMATO SOUP AND GRILLED CHEESE. I don't care if we are getting 2 inches of snow. Great, enough to make a footprint. I just wanted soup and grilled cheese. But the couple in line in front of me has bought 8 gallons of milk and enough bread to fill a walk in freezer. Idiots.

#4 No matter how wicked bad it gets, I still must work. I work because other people call off because it is too bad to get to work. I am the one who gets sent to do 2 jobs at once cause it is a Level 3 outside. This job has many great moments. This would not be one of them.

#3 After we take our tree down, the house just looks so.....Normal. And it is such a bummer to not have to worry about the dog knocking the tree over, or the cats climbing in it, or my husband setting it on fire. It is proof that all the Holiday! Fun! is now over, and we must return to work like responsible adults.

#2 My new car (Which is a 2006, so fairly new, I guess) does not have ABS (Anti-lock Brakes) Which would not be the end of the world...If all the vehicles I had previously owned had been the same way. But they were not. So, I must re-learn how to drive in snow every winter because I never remember that I don't have ABS until I am sliding down a windy road with drop offs on both sides and begin to fishtail........ Not to mention the fact that the car just does not go well in snow. It sucks. I had a 1999 Monte Carlo and that thing was like a tank. My Grand Prix? Not so much.

#1 I had to park my car halfway up my drive, SIDEWAYS, night before last. Cause that was all it was going. Our drive in concrete and on a pretty steep angle. So after sliding PAST the driveway once, I turned around and backed down the road to "get a run for it" ( I have lived here for many years, and our drive has always sucked. You learn these little things) So I baja into the drive, making the sharp turn at about 35mph. I go into the front yard, almost take out our picket fence, come precariously close to the back end of hubby's truck and end sideways in the drive. What did I do? Engaged the E-brake and left it. I quit!!!

It was the BEST of Holidays, It was the WORST of Holidays....

2009-01-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

Again, sorry for the neglect. This time, I feel it was needed. Because, though I do not have a "following" no one wants to read woe is me. So I will wallow in my own self pity for a bit, then I will go back to being Sarcastic, Bitchy Kristen. Deal?

So, I found out that some people are just more in tune with my body than I am. Maybe cause I don't like my body much, I just seem to ignore it. Ignore the signs. Putting on weight? Eh, it's the holidays. Being bitchy? Eh, that is just me. Sleeping all the time? What can I say, sleeping is my favorite. And I was a week late.... But I have just been stressed..... Wait..... Could I really be.....

On December 31st, I did decide to take "The Test". And came back with "Are you shitting me, no way" Positive. The next 2 tests were positive as well. I was knocked up. You know, the girl who has decided she is not a "Baby Making Machine". Husband and I rejoiced. (As did neighbor, and immediate family) It was early on, we did not want to get too excited , BUT OH MY GOD WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

Unfortunately, we miscarried the following Sunday. Went to Dr. on Tuesday, and confirmed that we had been pregnant, but no longer were. Heart-break ensued. We had prepared ourselves for this. (As much as possible, which is easier said than done.) We are taking it one day at a time. We are looking at the positive. We got pregnant. We are able to conceive. That is a plus. It was such a big question mark before, but now we know.

So, even though this was crushing, we know it is possible. It blows, way bad, but there is a silver lining, right? So that is my woe is me tale of the best and worst holidays. Now, back to my normal dazzling self.

Christmas was great. Husband and I got to see all sides of our families, and spend time with each other. My parents bought us a wii, and much fishing ensued. (We ARE country folk. I also got Carhartt Bibs and Jacket from Husband. And Yes, I did ask for them!) Jay now knows why I cried/yelled every 2 hours in the week or so leading up to Christmas, and why I was so nasty and bitter the day Brother graduated. (Hello! I just needed food and sleeeeep!!)

After going through this I now know why I married Jay, and love him more than ever. He has been a rock, and I know, deep down inside, it has not been easy for him. We are dealing with this together. So I will try to remember that when I want to punch him in the face cause he is a COMPLETE IDIOT. We can't all be prefect, right?

I wish I had a super story full of The Awesome to balance out this teenage-angsty post, but it has been a fairly solemn past few days. And my mind does not recall what happened much before that. I suck. I know. But I can say that OMG, the psychic was TOTALLY right. Pregnancy by March, perhaps a loss of pregnancy. So I am of course planning on our first child being a girl, cause that IS what he said. Back to Baby Making. Apparently we are doing SOMETHING right.

Happy Freaking Holidays.....

2008-12-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was my only day off in 2 weeks. And I had to get up at the god awful hour of 6:45am. Why? Why would I do that? A better question is, Why would anyone, knowing how nasty I am, make me get up that early? Because my Brother In Law gradumatated from college yesterday. And college is 2 hours away. And the ceremony began at 10am. Ouchtown.

So I poured myself out of my nice, cozy, warm bed and into the shower. I proceeded to get dressed, then have a fit about my outfit (Cause I am fat-ish. Remember?) and put on something else. Get all ready. Hair fixed, clean underwear, the whole nine yards. Then sit around and wait on my husband. Cause apparently he is a girl and takes longer to get ready.... He comes down, and I gesture to my outfit and ask him "Well?" His romantic, newlywed answer? "Yeah, that will do." I told him to "Try again" So he tells me "Um, yeah, you look pwetty". This would be why I do not get dressed up often.

We make it to the campus (somehow ahead of my in-laws, who left before us...but that is a whole different bitch fest....) and find our nose-bleed seats. Chris was seated with the other graduates, and they called his name, so I guess he really did graduate.

We did some Christmas shopping. Why did we shop on a Saturday in a large town two-weeks before Christmas? Because we are morons. I hate the mall in December. People just get stupid, and rude (I am usually one of the rude people, but only after a group of 7 old ladies feel the need to stop in the middle of the aisle to catch up. MOVE!!!)

Anyway, my shopping is about 1/2 done, our Christmas tree (If you could call it that. Hubby went by himself as I was at work, and brought home a real Peanuts tree.) is up and decorated. Minus the tree topper, cause it will not fit. Not surprised. I am getting ready to go wrap gifts, with the help of my German Shepard puppy, I'm sure. She really tries to be involved in everything. She is hanging out with Daddy right now, or she would be helping me type right now. Very Helpful....

My neighbor has decided I am pregnant because I have been so nasty this past week. I informed her "No, I am just a Bitch". Sad but true. There was a lot of eye-rolling and tounge biting yesterday, but I did keep my cool and not kill anyone. That is good, right? I usually love Christmas, love buying gifts, and decorating, and, in general, giving. But this year? I am not feeling it. I don't know if I was so streesed before the wedding that I don't feel like doing anything or what. But I am a major Scrooge this year. Bah Humbug!

2008-12-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

Wow Internets. I have been really sucking at life lately, and "too busy" to pay any attention to you. I never update you, or tell you your pretty, or take you out to dinner. My bad.

So anyway, with the holidays being in full swing, among other things I will mention shortly, my time has been swallowed up by unfun things, such as working and more working, and fun things, such as celebrating and baby making.

Thanksgiving and the surrounding days were uneventful. I ate too much, helped move my fiesty Grandma, and had several "food coma" instances. It was bliss, for the most part. My family gathered around to watch Jay and I's wedding DVD (We blew out the Unity Candle and the 30 seconds after we did it could probably win us $10,000 on America's Funniest Videos) and we mainly spent time with our families.

I was stupid enough to venture out on Black Friday, which I have no idea why. I am a person who very much appreciated PERSONAL SPACE. I like, nay, I love my personal space. I NEED it. People on Black Friday, aside from being completely crazed because they can buy a pair of slippers for two! whole! dollars! DO NOT respect personal space. And of course at every store I would have a "skirmish" or two with some idiot in public.

My point: Our first stop was, of course, WalMart. It was a WalMart in a large city, so it was packed. I am driving my mothers SUV. Parking spaces are only open in Scotland. I kindly drive to the front doors and tell my passengers to "Tuck and Roll! Bail Out! Go! Go! Go!" And I will meet them inside when I park this land yacht of an SUV (It is an Escalade. You should probably have a CDL to drive it.) I park in Scotland, grab my purse, and begin the long trek to the store. As I near the entrance, I see a prime parking spot. Front row! And there is a single buggy sitting in the middle of it. Now, as impossible as it may seem, I? Am not completely heartless. I grab the buggy, and do my good deed of the day, I start to wheel it to the buggy return. So now some little old lady can have a close parking spot....or some dumb bitch who slept in will get a prime spot. Whatev. As I am wheeling the buggy, this woman approaches me. My "Danger! Danger!" warning bell signals "Idiot on the loose!" She comes up to me and shoves her cart at me. I kindly say to her "Um, can I HELP you?" And she says, in her flannel pajama pants, slippers and greasy hair, with a cigarette hanging out the side of her mouth, "Yeah, take this one. Don't you work here or something?" I turn and walk away as she yells things at my back. I am wearing jeans, and a red hoodie. And CARRYING A PURSE. Take your own cart back you moron.

Other than that, it has been a pretty laid back kind of month. We are getting our tree tomorrow. My brother-in-law "Brother Chris" allegedly graduates from college on Saturday. My fabulous neighbor has gotten engaged and ask me to be her matron of honor. And I? Think the reason is because she saw how controlling I was during the planning of my wedding and decided to just give me the title to go along with it! We are half-assed timing our "baby-making" and figure whatever happens, happens. Perhaps we will be more anal about getting knocked up in the new year. My good friend from college, who is a fab blogger, has her baby shower coming up in January, and I am almost more excited about that than Christmas. Almost. (Sorry Jen!!!)

And now, I must go. The cats are yelling at each other, and my sweet 8 month old German Shepard puppy is probably eating something she shouldn't. My washer and dryer are buzzing, and I must get ready for work. When did we grow up? How did this happen?

Psychic or Doctor? I choose.....PSYCHIC!!

2008-11-18T14:53:00.001-08:00

I went to the doctor today (for a second opinion of course. I am putting most, if not all of my stock into the psychic) for a routine check-up and the all clear on baby-making.

She switched my meds (Now on Zoloft instead of Wellbutrin, since it is much better to be taking if I should become pregnant....Yes, am crazy, but am medicated for it. ) and kept me on the metformin and also added prenatal vitamins. (She informed me she wanted to start me on them now, as is normal when women are trying to concieve....I zoned out after that cause I could think of was how awesome my hair and nails are going to look!!!)

Anyway, we did blood work (and she insisted she do a pregnancy test.... Am concerned doctor wants to dash my hopes early on) and talked about what to do and not to do when trying to get pregnant. Losing weight was not a shocker, but she also informed me that if I was doing any recreational drugs, I should stop. Really?? So that line of coke in your bathroom was a bad choice if I want to get knocked up? I am incredibly naive* but must wonder how many crackheads go to the doctor and ask how best to get pregnant. Perhaps I am the minority here.

So now I have started all my new meds, been taken off my wonderful painkillers for my back (sob) and have been given the green light for baby-making. She also told me I could buy the ovulation kits, to see when the best time to-ahem "baby-make" would be. But then informed me that being newlyweds and all "we may not want to make intercourse so clinical, so soon". Thank you for that. I will leave my turkey baster in the kitchen. I will have my results from blood work soon, hopefully showing everything is normal. Until then, we should "keep at it" and if we are not pregnant this time next year, we will look into why. Am I wrong to not want to wait that long to see if there is going to be a problem? Thank god the psychic said March, or I would have been really mad.

And so for now, we are going to enjoy married life. Like tonight we are going grocery shopping, then I am coming home to make bread. When did I get so old and sucky??

* So totally naive in fact, that I was attempting to be cool, and may have used the term "dime bag" in a sentence. My husband had to explain to me that not only do they not sell or use dime bags anymore, but it makes me look even more naive- if that is at all possible.

Insane....or Intiutive??

2008-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

As you know, we are trying to concieve. It has not been a long road so far, nor a bumpy one. I am more worried about how difficult it is going to be. I want to know how to deal with my condition (PCOS), what precautions to take, and how to be proactive (What? No alcohol?!?) With these thoughts and issues in mind, I did what any normal, intelligent woman would do.

"You made an appointment with your doctor to discuss these questions, and see what the best route is?" you ask.

Silly human. Of course I would not do something as NORMAL and SMART as that.

I? Went to a psychic. Who else to better answer your questions of the future, than a guy that can SEE THE FUTURE?!?!?!? (You can laugh. My husband did, then called me a pagan...)

But yes, I went to see a psychic. And it was....cool. He touched on a lot of subjects that he really should not have known about. He pulled names out of thin air that had relavence and meaning. He knew my husbands name, and the age of Jay's niece and newphew. He ask who had a knee problem (my mom) and if I worked for my family (I do). He was right on about a lot of things, but I had already made the decision to see what he said, but it was all in fun.

We got the the "future" part of the session (Is that what it would be? A session? I gave a tattooed guy $20 to sit in Jessica's kitchen...) He explained that I would be pregnant by March, and we would have more than one. He explained that my first child would be a daughter. He also told me I would suffer a loss. As in loss of money, or friendship, but possibly of pregnancy.

As I said, it was cool. He knew a lot, or was really good at duping me. At one point he said "I see you living in a house your whole childhood, then leaving that house. But now, you are back at that house again." My husband and I bought the house I grew up in off my parents when they built a new house. Is that amazing? Or just a lucky break??

The one thing that the psychic did not tell me was that I was going to lock myself INSIDE Jessica's bathroom (No it really happened, and there were moments of panic...) I had to call her FROM THE BATHROOM, during the party, to have her assist. (Her house is older, and has some wicked doorknobs. Am not an idiot.) So I just wish, for the sake of my pride, he could have shared that little nugget of the future.

I think today, I will call the doctor to make that appointment. No pressure, right? I mean the psychic TOLD ME I was going to get pregnant in the next 6 months. I am SURE he does not just think that is the average time, and is leading me on.... Yeah, I am calling the doctor. As a back-up plan, of course....

Will leave husband for Boston Market

2008-11-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

I had to ask myself at about 9pm last night, are we really ready for kids?!?! (And by we, I mean my husband....)

We are both IN LOVE with Boston Market. As in I would have no problem with him banging the drive-thru girl if we get extra mashed potatoes...Anyway. Last night I am at work, and he is home (on his 7 days off. Who has a work schedule like that? Seriously.) and mention that Boston Market sounds good. He agrees, then says he will go get some and be home when I get home from work. Nice guy, right? Except Boston Market is an hour away. (I am thinking he may be the guy to have around if I get those crazy prego cravings, huh?) Ooookay. I let him go. He has the time, I want chicken and potatoes. No down side here.

I just get home from work, take the dog out, visit the neighbor, blah blah blah, my phone rings. It is husband. "Girlfreind, this is the best day EVER!!!" He screams.

I, of course, being of sound mind (usually) am a bit taken aback, for a few reasons.

Reason #1: We have just gotten married and went on a fabulous honeymoon. We had a great time. And that was not the best day ever.....

Reason #2: He is an AVID fisherman. Could fish for 7 days straight. He has won big tournaments, brought in good prize money, and caught "the big one". Yet, none of those were the best day ever....

Reason #3: I am dramatic, loud, offensive, bitchy (the list could go on, but I am merely proving a point.) He is the yin to my yang. Mellow, easygoing, quiet. Nothing gets him excited. Nothing. He could be on fire, and not care.

So when I get a phone call that "This was the best day EVER!!!", I am curious. I ask, why is that, dear?

His answer blows my mind.

"I pulled up to the drive-thru at Boston Market, and ordered the meal for 4 (Because I? Love Boston Market. Shut up with the Fat jokes. Asshat.) and that girl at the window, she told me that if I bought the meal for 4, she would give me A WHOLE SECOND CHICKEN FOR $1.99!!!!!

That is what got him sooo excited? Yes. He got a second chicken for $1.99. It is obviously the simple things in life that he appreciates. I could not bring myself to tell him that it was a daily special, and the window worker did not just think he was cute and cut him a deal. Poor guy.

He is so excited about his damn 2nd chicken, he had to hang up with me, because he almost rear-ended someone. So, if anyone almost had a truck in their trunk last night, it was my husband. Sorry. But he got a chicken FOR ONLY $1.99!!!! That gives you the right to drive like a douche...

Other than that amazingly stupid story, nothing happening on the homefront. I talked to my employer yesterday about wanting to start a family. (Any my employer? Is my father....Good times....) He tried to act all tough, then just about cried. (I think he needs medicated....the rest of my family is...Hooray for happy pills!!) Busy weekend ahead. I have no idea why we have 47 things going on every weekend, and yet we do. I think I may go take a nap now... ;)

You're not pregnant YET?!?!

2008-11-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, let the fun (and baby-making!!) begin.

Jay and I are now married (Oct. 4, 2008) and have decided to begin trying to get pregnant as soon as possible. Of course, this is our "little secret". We really have not shouted it from the roof-tops.....and yet.... Already we are being asked about children. Really?!?!? We have been married 1 month today.

And I? Am probably not a baby-making machine. For several reasons. Reason one? I am fat-ish. Not like, can't climb a set of stairs, knock over things with my ass. But this fat girl only runs for one thing. And that is the Ice Cream truck.

Reason two? My family does not have an easy time with this whole baby-making process. Getting knocked up is not easy for us, not is the pregnancy.

And the third, and quite possibly biggest stumbling block. I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which makes "getting and staying pregnant difficult". So I have already conditioned myself for worse-case senario. I am on my meds (Metformin) and have baby fever. But I also don't have pie in the sky hopes of informing the family at Christmas that we are expecting (But who knows? Jay's family procreates like rabbits....)

So this is the beginning of our journey, and we have no idea how long it will take, or how it will end. Already I have run into the questions about when we are having kids, and also the AWESOME advice people give such as "It happens when you least expect it", "Just don' t try and it will happen", and the best "If it is meant to be, it will happen". So thanks for all of that.

I have not dealt with the false hope, or failure, or even trying for a year with nothing, and already I am ready to punch someone in the weeiner and/or face for saying these stupid things. I have no idea how I will continue to deal with this if it is a struggle.

So, for now, Newlywed Sex!! and lots of it. (And we will be all relaxed about it, to see if that helps of course.....)

2008-06-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have a problem. A serious problem. An embarrassing, uncontrolable problem. No, it does not burn when I pee. It is much more serious that that.

I can't stop picking fights while drunk.

Case in point:
On Friday, my fiance and I decide to have a rare night out. We were both off together (we both work shifts) and decided to take a time out from house projects and wedding planning to relax. So we decide to go to a "new" bar.

Now on a side note, a new bar in our area usually means the toilets flush and your feet don't stick to the floor.

So, we make plans to meet his cousin out. I then decide to invite my friend from out of town and my neighbor. This is going to be a good night....Maybe.

Fast forward to about 3 or 4 drinks into the night. Me and my three girlfriends are standing outside when a guy approaches us. Mind you, we are all just talking, not causing any trouble. So the guy walks up. Let's just call him Luke Asshole for fun.

So Luke Asshole boldly tresspasses into our circle then preceeds to exclaim "I feel so young around all of you. You girls are a lot older than me.."

Now, I may not be looking at 21 or 22, but I am not walking with a walker here. So, of course I feel the need to kindly point this fact out. So I say:

"Listen here Luke Asshole why don't you just run along inside now. I see your boyfriend waiting for you on the steps. I am so sorry us old women are keeping you from the bar. Let me turn up my hearing aid and get my geriatric grove on inside."

We turn to go and Luke Asshole yells "Have a good night old ladies."

This can not happen. I whip around. "What?!?!?!?"

"I said have a good night y'all ladies"

"Bullshit. You are a real choch. You probably drink only Zimas and live with your mother"

I walk in. And this is when it should be over. But is it? Of course not!!!

Fast forward 3 or 4 MORE drinks into the night. Again, we are all outside. And guess what? So is my good friend Luke Asshole!!! Only, too bad. Luke can't stand up or walk, let alone form coherent sentences. Perhaps I should leave him alone. He is all drunk and defenseless...

Nah.

"Hey Luke, look it is wayyyyy past my bedtime and I am still here!!!!"

"Blah blah, gurgle, dumb.... I like boys, blah"

"Wow Luke, you sound pretty drunk. You probably don't even know your last name there Rookie"

(At this point he screams his last name, which comes out sounding like Asshole. I then goad him even more by challanging him to spell it. He pauses, I inform him he is a drunk moron who can't even spell his last name. )

So his two friends come to his rescue. Kind of.

"Sorry about our friend. He is a real douche bag."

"No shit, Einstein"

"He is pretty drunk. We brought him outside. We are going to go back in."

"Super. I should go too. My depends are riding up and I should straighten that out."

Luke stumbles back into the bar. We go in later. So Luke is stupid drunk. He is a 22 year old douche bag who will not be contacted by MENSA while sober, let alone 3 sheets to the wind. SO why do I let it bother me? I can't control it. I don't have a filter. I won't back down. At the end of the night, the lights come back on, and there is Luke again!! He is sitting at the bar looking pretty bad. I begin fighting my way from the back thru the crowd to the bar. My friend asks where I am going.

"To say Goodbye to my good friend Luke Asshole!!!"

At this point I am physically picked up by my fiance and told that it is time to go. NOW.

Other than almost seeing a bitch fight in the parking lot (No, I was not involved.) we went to get food and come home.

I don't know how this happens. I got a guy thrown out of a BW3's in my college town once cause he made a comment about my purse being huge and I somehow picked a fight with him. I have gotten into a fight with a guy.... then had to ride home in the same car with him cause we all came together....Awkward.